Here's an inspirational tale on the bonding of women. I briefly run into a girl in a bathroom, she proceeds to call me one of the most offensive, degrading names (and possibly the worst thing a person could call me), conservative. No, seriously though. After using her four letter word of choice, she decided "Hey, this girl looks trashy. I should most certainly tell her." (So I'm just guessing on this other girl's inner dialogue as I am not omniscient, as surprising as that is.) Yes, she (within a five minute span) decided I was:
a) trailer trash
b) a (something I'm too shy to type) and
c) too dumb to understand the FOUR letter word, so yes, she politely spelled it out for me. "C - U -" But I'm sure you get where I'm going here.
The girl drunkenly hobbled back up the stairs and her friend stayed behind to apologize. I was grateful. This girl was obviously tanked beyond what would be considered normally acceptable or even remotely entertaining. I didn't find it necessary for her to apologize for her friend, I just told her she should probably push her friend's oh-so-intoxicated ass out of the bar. Problem solved. Done and done.
I walk upstairs and who grabs my arm? Oh, it's none other than my incredibly helpful spelling instructor. She must have more tips, I thought. Phonetics can be a real bitch. In all reality she proceeds to shriek this loud enough to draw a crowd, "OMG, I'm soooo fucking sorry for calling you a -. Oh oh yeah and I'm like sooooo sorry for saying that you looked like a piece of trash." Now this was her obvious attempt at a misplaced parody of me. (I don't think I have ever in my life verbalized OMG together, unless I was spelling Bomgaars - store in ND, by the by). In my state what seemed like a good idea? To look at her quizzically and say "Oh I'm soooooo sorry that you're a fucking bitch." And that's when it happened. I got slapped. Some idiots expressed their hope of a chick fight, but after she slapped me - she ran away. I continued to call her all sorts of things and then I sat down and finished my beers with my friends.
So what is the point here? Why would any, presumably regular woman choose to slap me? Would she have slapped me in the bathroom without the crowd to see her? What made her think, "this girl's face is just begging to be slapped"? I know I'm not completely innocent here and alcohol was a factor - for her at least. What did she want to win?
It is a competition between women that is clear. But what the hell are we competing for? I'm starting to get the feeling that it's something I don't really want anyway.
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